Another Yearly Update

Kick me 77 times! I’m over a year late (again). This time might just be easier since I don’t have a job currently! I quit! Overall, I’m glad I did it. I’m very bored not having a job though, and also bored of not having money.

Reflecting on the past year, I had an unexpected homecoming to EXTRAS last summer. The beginning of July brought a frightening work-related accident involving my father, which my mom informed me about through a text. He was in the neighboring state, requiring Lifestar transport to the nearest hospital. While my mom and brother were at the hospital, my sister was at a camp, and I was a counselor. My mom asked me to keep my sister in the dark about the situation. Things seemed manageable until our cousin from that state texted her, asking, “Is your dad OK?” This revelation led to her discovering the truth. We put everything on hold, traveling to the neighboring state to stay with my aunt and cousins while awaiting updates on my dad’s chest wall reconstruction surgery. Initially estimated at 6 hours, the surgery was extended to 12 hours with no communication in between. My anxiety only surfaced around the 11-hour mark when the silence began to feel unsettling. My uncle, in an unusual move, handed me a joint and a bag of weed, marking one of the first times I felt acknowledged as an adult by him. My dad remained in the ICU for a month, where he experienced anxiety for the first time, a revelation that made him empathize with my own struggles. While comforting, it also highlighted his prior lack of understanding regarding mental health, leaving me somewhat conflicted. He’s now on medication for both his physical and mental health, although his tips for dealing with anxiety, while well-intentioned, aren’t particularly effective for me.

When it came time for my dad to come home, I wasn’t thrilled about being there, considering the long drive from my apartment to EXTRAS and the limited hours they could offer. The pay was decent, but it just didn’t make sense for me to make that trek for only 15-20 hours a week. So, I decided to head back to the YMCA instead. I ended up making some new pals among my coworkers. As for everything that happened afterward, let’s just say it’s been quite a ride. Oh, and speaking of rides, Cassidy turned out to be a real piece of work. I won’t pretend I was a saint in the whole mess, but man, it got weird.

Cassidy’s birthday celebration marked the beginning of a perplexing saga. She invited a group of friends but conspicuously omitted Kevin. Initially, it seemed like an oversight, but it quickly grew more convoluted. Her explanations about her busy schedule and reluctance to hang out with Kevin contradicted her claim of friendship, creating confusion. As Cassidy and Josh clashed over the nature of her relationship with Kevin, I found myself caught in the middle, attempting to provide rational advice. The situation took an unexpected twist when Cassidy blocked me on social media and accused me of throwing a mug at her house.

On the night Cassidy called the police on me, she reached out to Kevin, who had oddly become her close confidant after our sudden falling out. During their conversation, she debated whether to egg my house or simply involve the authorities. Kevin shared this detail with Josh, and I, perhaps naively, expected some sort of dramatic confrontation, which never materialized. It turns out I had overestimated Cassidy’s willingness to take bold actions, something I’ve never seen her do of her own accord. Josh later showed the message to the police, who took note of it. However, around two months later, Cassidy had an unexpected outburst when she called Kevin. She was furious, denying any involvement in making those threats and demanding to know why he had accused her. Kevin calmly explained that he’d overheard her mother suggesting those actions during their phone call, with Cassidy in agreement. Despite Kevin’s explanation, Cassidy remained steadfast in her denial, prompting Kevin to hang up and block her on all platforms. It’s all quite weird, isn’t it? Two months after the incident, she suddenly decided to confront Kevin about it.

In the aftermath of Cassidy abruptly severing ties, I’ve had time to ponder the situation and identify potential warning signs. Although I’m still processing my emotions, I’ve discerned troubling aspects of Cassidy’s behavior. One notable concern was what felt like “lovebombing” early on. However, the most disconcerting aspect was her insecurity whenever I mentioned my longstanding online friends, whom I’ve known since age 14, well before I met Cassidy three years ago. Cassidy’s unfounded fear that I might replace her as my best friend with one of them raised questions about our friendship.

And her attitude toward her friend Elianna was just plain strange. Cassidy consistently painted Elianna as a drama queen and actively discouraged me from hanging out with her, labeling her a “bad influence.” Then there was that one wild night at the bar when Cassidy and Elianna did some coke, something I had no clue about until I accidentally stumbled upon a text on Cassidy’s phone that said, “I love coke.” Cassidy got all defensive, claiming it was a joke and worrying that I’d think less of her. I told her I really didn’t care about drug use, especially since I had a close friend who dealt with coke addiction. But she kept trying to pin the blame on Elianna, even though she was just as involved, and there is a significant age gap between them. The whole situation left me scratching my head and doing some serious soul-searching.

Almost a Year Later

Like always, I am sporadically posting. If I can’t make myself post every few weeks, I guess once or twice a year will do.

I’m still working at the YMCA, and I’ve realized my mental health has declined since I started working there. I don’t wake up excited to go to work. Not many people do, I guess, but this is different. I never called out of EXTRAS like I do the YMCA. It sucks being in the job field you love, but hate going to your job because of the environment. I stopped applying to daycares, since most are 20+ minutes away. To help with mental health, well, in August I went to the hospital because of a severe panic attack. I started PHP again, saw a familiar face there, so I didn’t feel 100% comfortable saying all the things I would’ve liked to. Didn’t make friends this time because I’m not falling down that rabbit hole again. I started seeing a new therapist, and I’ve been taking my Lexapro and Wellbutrin for almost two weeks! Josh has been very supportive of me during this time, but I don’t think I’ve been supporting him as much. I think once I get to the four-week mark for Lexapro, things will start kicking in my system and I won’t be so mentally and physically exhausted.

As for work, EXTRAS is looking for teachers and head teachers. I’m going back for the summer, but I’m really unsure about the school year. I love living with Josh, I love our apartment even if it isn’t in the best shape, I love our cat, and I love sharing the car even if that sounds weird. We’ve been together for 2 year and 6 months now. It’ll be weird to switch back to being home with my family. I don’t even want to decorate the guest room because it won’t feel the same as being here. Is that weird? This is my home now. But, EXTRAS is going to give me good pay, and hopefully a good position too despite not having my degree yet. It’s a lot for me to think about, I guess I just need to sit and really think about the pros and cons of staying for the school year. I would still help pay rent, and come on Fridays and leave on Mondays or Tuesdays. I’m nervous to start up again at EXTRAS, because I like how it was when I started, aside from one co-worker. I was starting to feel like I was meant for this job before COVID hit. YMCA has drained me, and I feel like an awful teacher. I lost every ounce of myself that felt like I could be in a leadership role. I don’t want to stick around and get let down. Hopefully, I’ll remember to update in the summer. If I don’t… Kick me 77 times. Thanks.

Hey, It’s Me, Back Again

Hey! It’s been a couple months. So, I thought now would be a good time to update here. I’m not too sure where to start, though. I feel like the past few months have come and go so fast, but I suppose that’s what happens to time when you try to stay relatively busy.

I got the hang of my YMCA job, but I don’t like it. I feel much less like an outsider. Or, I did. Summer camp just started, and there’s about 5 new people at work now. 3 of them are from job corps and they are all male, so it’s safe to assume they’re all friends (in my opinion). It feels weird being in a familiar place with unfamiliar people. I know that’s part of working, but it was so hectic today. Plus, two people started working after I did. I got on well with them, and it wasn’t that hard or bad. Overall, though, it is not fun to stay at the YMCA.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Good question. You see, I’ve been trying to apply to other daycares in my area… It’s not really looking so good. There aren’t many daycares that are looking right now, at least here. There are lots of other daycares, that offer full-time, and probably don’t have children that act like the spawn of Satan – but Josh and I share a car right now. It’d be hard to share it while we have to go to 2 different towns for work, so my options are currently limited. I’m re-applying right now to a job I applied to back in October. Hopefully, that goes well, but I’m not betting on it. Another daycare I had applied to told me to go to college. Which, hello… I’ve been trying. Great news, by the way! I’m finally going to college! For real this time! I’m already registered for classes! I’m excited, but man it’s expensive.

However, it’ll be better. Once I get my Associate’s, I could become a head teacher! I already have the hours for it, I just need the credits. I’m taking English & Psychology online, and taking my two ECE classes in person! Josh and I are also planning to move to Arizona a little after we get our Associate’s (he’s going to college, too!). We visited Arizona at the end of April this year (after I got fully vaccinated for COVID-19)! We both really liked it there, and it wasn’t humid at all. Unlike right here, right now. It’s so hot & humid. We only have the A/C in the bedroom. I’m in the livingroom right now, and I feel like… The metal part of those seatbelts in cars… Not a good comparison at all but it’s all I have right now.

Since I’ve already submitted my application, and I’m profusely sweating, I’m going to log off now. Hopefully, I’ll come back in a couple weeks to update about any protentional job stuff! Until then, WordPress!

It’s Been a While…

I haven’t written on here in almost two years. Wow. It makes sense, I guess. Things changed a lot since I last wrote. I guess I’ll dive into that, in order of events.

Christian and I broke up a couple months after my last entry. I had tried breaking up with him a couple months prior to posting, funny how people work. I should’ve seen it coming. In retrospect, I think I did see it coming – which is probably the worst of it. After about a week of breaking up, I downloaded Tinder. I’m not sure if I was really expecting anything out of it. I matched with a few people, and I kept talking to this one guy I ended up going on quite a few dates with him. His name is Josh. I started to have a huge crush on him. By November 3rd 2019, we started dating. My family invited him over for Thanksgiving that year, and I also finally got my license that month. Things seemed perfect for the first time in awhile.

When 2020 started, I turned 21 and Josh turned 24. During this time, there was this new virus that had been spreading since December 2019. At this point in time, it seems silly to write about. It’s still a very real thing, and it’s called COVID-19. Cases kept going up, and still are. Everyone now wears masks wherever they go, to help limit the spread of the virus. A lot of businesses, nursing homes, and schools shut down – which means my work shut down. Schools started an emergency remote learning type thing. I had to help my little sister out with it, since I was the only family member not working. It was pretty frustrating. At least EXTRAS was still paying me, though.

On April 27 2020, my grandma passed away. Thankfully not to COVID-19, but that doesn’t mean much. I still don’t know if I ever properly processed it. I hadn’t been able to see her since early March, when everything started to shut down. It just feels like I’m not allowed to see her because of the virus. Maybe I just don’t know how to process death. I know I don’t know how to process my own for when it happens. But then, what is the point? It’s out of my control. I think it’s all just weird and scary. I loved my grandma, and I still do. In a sense, I’m glad she passed when she did. I know being stuck at the nursing home during this pandemic for longer than she was would probably take a big toll on her. Also, she didn’t have to be stuck inside spending her 80th birthday alone. If there’s an afterlife, she definitely got to spend that birthday with my grandpa.

In August, I got a car. Which only really happened because of the pandemic. I got quite a bit of unemployment from the summer, an extra $600. Not to mention the $1,200 stimulus check we got. By October, I moved in with Josh. Toward the end of November, I was finally able to get a new job at the YMCA daycare center.

I turned 22 yesterday. Josh & I have COVID-19, but things are looking OK. A lot of people have died from it, but we are doing good. I’m starting to feel better. Josh still feels like shit. We’re not sure how we got it. Josh definitely got it first, though. I was still testing negative when he first tested positive.

I’ve been thinking of going to therapy again, but instead with a new therapist. I also had started medication again. So far, I think I’m doing good. I know my symptoms get bad, and I notice it’s hard for me to keep up good relationships with other people. I can only let so many people in at once, and I don’t like that. I think a lot of it is my anxiety, and I know depression along with past trauma doesn’t help me any. I’ve been wanting to isolate myself from people, even my family. Making/keeping friends makes my stomach upset. Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time to see how it used to feel to make friends. I feel like maybe those feelings were always there, but I’m not so sure. This is basically why I need therapy. I would love to have a little friend group for once. I’ve always been on the outside looking in. I’m tired of it, but trying to on the inside is so much work. It seems kind of unfair. I wish I knew how to make friends, to socialise in real life. I feel so silly and stupid.

Even at work, I feel like an outsider. Granted, I’m new to the YMCA, but I can’t help myself to feel differently. People talk a lot of shit there, too. It’s not a secret. Everyone finds out somehow. I get along with the women in my area, which is school-age. One of them told me she is going to quit, and that the other one wants to quit as well. They’re the only ones I feel like I get along really well with, so that sucks. Out of selfishness (I guess) I want them both to stay. However, if one of them leaves that means I can decorate the classroom however I want, and I kind of really like that idea. I still don’t think I have a good grasp on the kids, or even how things work around there. It’s so different from EXTRAS. I think I’m getting the hang of it, though.

Well, until next time…

Change

It’s been a little over a year since I last wrote an entry on here. I recently binge-watched Awkward. on Hulu. I can’t tell if I’m supposed to watch it satirically, or seriously at times. It is a comedy-drama, so I guess I can watch it both for serious purposes and its humor.

Oddly, that show is the one thing that inspires me to stop being lazy and actually write on this thing. However, I do heavily enjoy pen-to-paper writing more than keyboard-to-screen. “Old school blogging” if you will. I learned a lot from the show, despite it being a comedy. I think it’s helped me feel more mature, in a sense. I feel like I’ve grown a little since binging the first season. I’ve also just grown a bit in general.

First off, I still haven’t used my CNA license. I’m going in next week to see if they’re willing to take me at NH. I’m already an employee, so I don’t have to fill out an application or anything. I’ll probably have to take a drug test & go through a whole new orientation. I don’t want to lose my license since it expires in August. It would be insulting to my parents, they paid for my classes after all.

Speaking of licenses, I still don’t have my driver’s. I failed my test, and I haven’t rescheduled in over a year. I’m hoping to get it this summer because I need to get that ball rolling for when I can finally move out. My first step into the real world, aside from my job at EXTRAS (which I got back in October, I’m an afterschool daycare teacher now!) is going to college. I didn’t end up going again last year due to the whole driving/car issue. Luckily, my brother said he is determined to go this year — so I’ll have a ride! We are going to go to Northwestern Connecticut Community College in Winstead. I’m going to take my gut/core classes this semester.

I’m not 100% sold on what I want to do. Everyone pushes nursing on me because “that where the money’s at” but I don’t feel that is where my heart is at. Since this daycare job, I’ve been really interested in Early Childhood Education. I want to become a  “real” teacher. Or a paraprofessional, whichever.

Love life update? I’m still with Christian. His birthday is in 2 weeks (May 24), and our 3 year anniversary is in about 10 weeks (July 17).

I’m not sure what else I want to write, as I’ve not been a super great headspace lately when talking about my life this year. Everything is fine at home, I guess I just feel depressed. It’s all good though. I think I’m holding back because this is A) Public, and B) Stuff that doesn’t deserve to be remembered or immortalized.

As much as I would love to do more typing-style journalling, I think I want to stick to pen-to-paper for now. No matter the length of time from my last post, I always find a reason to come back and write.

5:57 AM

Earlier this month, I went on a campus tour for Tunxis! It’s really great. The campus is beautiful. It looks perfect. My mom even liked it a lot better than Northwestern, and she didn’t even go on the campus tour for that school! The only issue I have with Tunxis is that they don’t seem to really have any sort of nursing programs. They have dentistry, though, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that. I’m not even sure if I’m comfortable being a nurse. I kind of want to be a teacher or a social worker or something. I want to be helpful.

I think I’m really set on going to Tunxis. I’ve been looking at a bunch of clubs that I really want to try and join. There is about four clubs that I’m thinking about joining:

• art club
• got pride club
• political awareness club
• haha

I’m nervous about joining the art club, because I know I will doubt my art skills a lot. I’m nervous about joining the Political Awareness Club, too, because I don’t want to be in an echo-chamber. Perhaps it won’t end up being the case, but even though I hate strong opinions that oppose mine, I’d rather have small conflict in a group than have everybody agree with one another on everything. Speaking of which, those opinions I have are pretty simple, in my opinion. It’s mostly just pro-LGBT.

I really want to step out and be bolder when I go to college. Which I assume is every socially-anxious girl’s dream. I also really hope I lose a good amount of weight before August, too. Which I assume is every chubby girl’s dream…

I reapplied to CVS, and I got nothing back, again. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I’m applying for a receptionist job at NH. Now, perhaps you’re (not) thinking, “Rachel, why not just get a CNA job there?!” and the answer is simple, Stacey. It’s a per diem receptionist job! I’m also planning to apply for a job at the dollar store. I’m not really committed to this town, to say the least. I don’t want to stay here forever, (famous last words)

Anyways, writing on here has reminded me that I should really start writing in my physical-pencil-journal-diary-thing more often. I will probably want to delete this little “blog” in the near future. Just in case, I’m most likely going to (not) rewrite this entry in my journal/diary later today.

Oh, also, I finally started Driver’s Ed! I have my second driving lesson and my first actual class tomorrow. Fingers crossed that I do good tomorrow, and that no one is scary at class. X

Late Thursday Night

Well, a few things…

First of all, I graduated! Thank goodness, right? Second of all, I ended up not going to Northwestern in 2017 Autumn. During the summer, however, I took a CNA course they were offering. As of August 2017, I am a Certified Nursing Assistant. I haven’t offically worked as a CNA yet, mostly because I know it will be work, and I’ll have to put in a lot of energy. It sounds very lame, but I haven’t even had my first job yet. I really want to work retail, specifically at CVS. It’s the only place I think I’d do very well.

I’m going to go to driving school later next month, so I can finally get my driver’s license. Next month, I can also reapply to CVS.

In terms of school, I am considering either going to Northwestern or Tunxis. I applied to Tunxis on the 17th and I hope to hear from them soon. Christian and I have been discussing the idea of going to the same school. He’s going to send an application to Northwestern and Tunxis as well.

Of course, though, getting to spend extra time with Christian isn’t the only reason why I’m interested in Tunxis. They seem to have a better campus and also offer a lot more classes, from what I see. My therapist suggested going on one of those little tour things that colleges and universities always have at some points in the year. I’m considering asking Christian to go with me, since I know he’ll probably ask more questions since I’d be afraid to speak up, haha.

I am a bit nervous because I read a comment from a former student that had a negative experience at the school say that, “Students at Tunxis are more motivated because they have to pay for their education”.
Now, I assume this either means since tuition is so small (4k) that a person-not-in-my-finical-situation could pay, or that they do not give enough finical aid to students, and therefore students have to pay a larger amount than they should due to their finical situations. I kind of want to ask Christian or somebody and see their take on the comment. I think I’m just a big worrybug and I can easily read things in different ways.

On positive notes, I started watching Wentworth and Riverdale. Riverdale is almost kind of a guilty pleasure since it’s so far off from the original Archie comics that it’s based off of. I’m very slowly starting to listen to Nine Inch Nails, and my favourite music group is currently BROCKHAMPTON.

Also, Christian and I recently celebrated 1 year and 6 months together! Heh. ♥

Wednesday Morning

It’s been about eight months since my last post. I really had no idea it’s been so long. I would’ve thought I wrote something in October, but I clearly hadn’t. 2016 Autumn was maybe one of the best times of my life so far. As well as now, 2017 Spring.

I’m going to Northwestern Connecticut Community College in the fall, and hoping to soon transfer to Central Connecticut State University. By then, I will hopefully get an apartment, or somewhere to stay in the New Britain area. So, clearly, I’m still with Christian. We went to Homecoming in November. It was at his school, and it was my first time going to Homecoming in general. His school is a lot bigger than mine, heh. It was an experience though, I guess I could say.

Later this month, four days before his birthday, we are going to the Senior Ball at my school. The tickets are 30 dollars each, yikes. I already have to pay $60 in class dues. Now I have to pay another $60, plus money to get a cute dress. At least we will have fun together, though. And he’ll get to see my school this time!

This school year has been on/off. My grades have been fluctuating a lot, but I will thankfully be graduating! Just gotta hand in those dues, and I think I’ll be good.

I finally made a few friends in school, though. I think my best in-school friend is Ewa. She’s really talented, and she inspires me a lot. I’m not sure if Abby sees me as a good friend, since we don’t really talk a lot, but she’s still really nice and smart. Makenzie and Kristin kind of act like my friends, but I’m not really sure if it’s safe to call them that.

Outside of school, I made two other friends, Riley and Robin. I’m no longer friends with Riley anymore, thankfully, because he was disgusting. Robin however is the opposite. I’m probably closer to her than I am with anybody else mentioned here (aside from Christian, of course). I have faith in my relationships with her, Christian, and friends from before such as Caylan and Sam. I’m scared, however, that I will lose my other friends once I graduate high school, because they are all juniors, and I won’t see them on a daily basis like I have this year.

Friends do come and go, but I hate losing them. I really do. If it weren’t for Christian saying I should block him for very good reasons, and me asking him to do it for me, I think Riley would still be in my life. I’m just a weak person, I guess. Maybe one day I’ll learn better.

 

 

Friday Night

Christian and I went on our date on Monday. It was wonderful. To be honest, it was my first date, haha. I’m glad we’re dating. I love making him feel happy, and he makes me feel happy in return. We’re planning to go on another date in two weeks. Our mutual friend is coming though, which is Keegan. Speaking of Keegan, he actually wants to transition back to being a cis female. So I’m going to refer to her as Sam for now on, since that is her birth name. She transitioned back because her mom and her suspect heavily that her dad is getting Alzheimer’s which really sucks. I feel bad for her.

School is starting this Monday, I’m half excited and half dreading it. After the school week, I’m going to Lake George with Sam because her cousin is getting married. WELL NOW IM TIRED HAHA CATCH YA NEXT TIME, MY PERRSONAL BLOG THING HAHAHA LOL

 

Anomalous

I haven’t updated this blog in awhile. Although Martin did once mean a lot to me, we grew apart from each other fairly quickly. After about two months he started becoming distant, and rather strange. I ended things with him because I did not feel loved by him like I used to. I originally left him to be with a guy named Mo’men. We didn’t date, and it was silly of me. Not to mention awfully unrealistic because Mo’men lives in Palestine.

In April, I started dating a guy named Luis. None of my friends liked him, and I see why. He was kind of creepy. He was the same age as Martin, but he acted very weird, sexually. Peadophiliac, if you will. He started becoming distant like Martin did, but a little quicker. He ended it on his own terms and left.

After things ended with Luis, I felt really upset and alone. I tried reaching out to Martin again, but he didn’t really reply. I later found out he was dating somebody else already although he told me he wasn’t thinking about dating for a long time.

When I found that out, I planned to stay single for a while as well. It was going fairly well. My Summer was going really great, too. I started talking to some of my in-state friends more often, Keegan and Christian. Keegan had his 18th birthday party in July and I slept over at his house. Keegan was in-the-closet trans at this time, however. Keegan and I were starting to kind of…like each other. I told him I wasn’t ready to date though. The thought of it made me really anxious. My brother picked me up from Keegan’s house and my stomach hurt a lot. After I messaged him on Facebook about it, all of my anxiety started to go away. He was really understanding about how I felt. I really appreciated that.

During all of my anxious bullshit, I was messaging Christian the whole time. I’m really glad I had him with me. He’s very kind and he listens to me and my silly problems. As does Keegan. They’re both great people, really. Caylan is also wonderful, but when I talked to her about it, she kind of pushed me on the fact to date Keegan even though I didn’t feel ready.

The night after I came home, Christian called me on Skype and we talked for a bit. I don’t really remember what exactly we talked about, but I remember I drank alcoholic root beer and rubbed chocolate on my face, like an idiot.

Christian and I started to talk a lot more often than we used to, and it was really nice. It’s kind of weird how things work out though, because just a week after I told Keegan I wasn’t ready to date, I started dating Christian. It kind of just happened, really.

Keegan invited me to go swimming at his aunt’s house about a week after Christian and I started dating. I felt somewhat bad because I felt like I would appear to be a liar, and I didn’t want to hurt Keegan. I brought up Christian a few times in our conversation that day, and I even showed Keegan a song by Death Grips, which is a band that Christian likes a lot. We listened to them in the car after we visited Keegan’s aunt. When we got to Keegan’s house, we watched Philadelphia, then I fell asleep. When I woke up, Keegan was downstairs asleep on the futon, and his parents were at the store. I called Christian on my phone, and it was just a really nice weekend, in my opinion.

I added Christian and Keegan to a Skype group chat because I thought they could become friends, and they did! Keegan found out about Christian and I dating, and he wasn’t mad or anything, which is also great.

Christian is kind of weird, though. Well, he isn’t weird. I just feel a lot different as a person with him. With Martin and Luis, it was so easy for me to feel alone and upset. With Christian, I don’t think I’ve felt alone. At all. Christian makes me feel like a better person. A majority of my anxiety has almost melted away because of him.

I know this is probably really weird considering my last post I was pretty much gawking at Martin. I did love him at one point, but it wasn’t enough. That happens sometimes, and it’s okay that it happens. I strongly believe it won’t happen with Christian though. I don’t say that because I am blinded by love, because I know how that feels.

Christian honestly makes me feel ways that no one has ever made me feel. I’ve told him so much more stuff than I’ve told any of my friends…I should gawk over him some other time, right now it seems a bit odd to do so only because of my lack of writing.

Anyways, I’m going on a date with Christian on Monday, and then I have senior portraits on Tuesday!  I’m nervously excited for my senior year. I’m going to try very, very hard to succeed. I’ll be sure to write more after the weekend…